First off let me explain, that this is a letter that I am sending to more places than this one site.

My shrink told me this may help me in my healing process, so I am going to try it. I am having a very hard time with this.

Some of you may remember a woman who was upset at her jealous husband who also loved to look at porn and naked women and flirt. That was my beautiful wife Jenni. You see, a little over a month ago, Jan. 29, 2006, I came home from a night out with my boys to find my sweet Jenni unconcious from an overdose of pills, she is 33 years old. We had 8 years together. The Drs. do not know if she is going to live or not, she is in a coma now and on life support. The note she left me was very heartbreaking, it said everything in it that she had already told me but I was to blind to see it.

On the day after, my mom and I found her journal and she had everything written in it from good to bad, from the day we met until the day she took those pills. She had written in it how she found my sites and what they were and some of the things she said in them and how she knew that I flirted with other women when I was out. She even posted on a few of the message boards to get men and women who tease the men, to see how bad it makes their mates feel, "kind of a therapy for her", she said, but it did not work like she thought it would. She wrote that she became very upset at the way she was treated on three of the sites. Men were saying things to her that made her cry. And some woman told her maybe she shouldn't be hanging around there since it obviously is upsetting to her. But she said, thats where she wanted to be, to try and explain her feelings and those of so many others, but when that was said to her, she knew she was wasting her time and they did not want her there. So that made her cry as well. She said "The men, of course, agreed with this woman because she does what they want".::: "They think she is very intelligent, but she will see how intelligent when she and other women like her, have to stand before God and the men have to stand before God to explain their actions here on earth."

On another site another woman who poses for men, told her that "maybe a woman who gets depressed because her man looks at naked women needs to get over her own insecurities" And asked her, if her husband became obsessed with Hersheys chocolate would she write the company to have them change the wrapper. This woman also said that God gave us all brains. But you see, Jenni was a church goer-- she knows that God does not want us doing some of the things we do. Funny thing about it is-----, she said, that they told her to talk to her pastor or her husband or anyone because she was feeling suicidal and why she was feeling that way. She did all of that already. Her pastor of course was on her side, he knows its not right. She was embarrassed to talk to her family about it, and of course she told me everything that upset her, she talked to me until she was blue in the face. All of that upset her so much. Jenni said "There is no comparison to candy and porn, none at all". Another woman told her to leave her hubby alone, and let him look at her pussy and tits, she needs the money. Jenni knew she was gorgeous and sexy because of all the attention men paid to her, but she never used that for personal gain. I will not go back on these message boards and see all of what she said and what else was said to her, I know I will cry if I see more things said to her that hurt her feelings.

But I am the one who upset her the most, I betrayed her, I did not listen to her, I hurt her. I treated her so badly. I took her for granted. She loved me so much. And I loved her, but I did not realize how much until this happened. Now I may have no chance to make it up to her.

My wife is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life, so sexy, great body. In fact all my friends kept telling me how lucky I was to have her and they wanted her themselves, so did the men who saw her on the street. It made me so mad for other guys to look at her that way and want her. But yet, I did exactly what I didn't want them to do. I kept on with my obsession with naked ladies and porn. I just had to have more, just like most of us men, I could not get enough of a woman's body. And I hurt my wife so much, I made her cry. I probably will never forgive myself but I am trying to go on living with the help of my wonderful family.

In the letter she wrote to me she put these lines from the Bible down to show me that what I was doing was wrong::::::

Matthew 5:27-28. It says:

5:27: Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:

5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart

In Proverbs 6:25 it says:

6:25: Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.

On Jenni's note to me , at the end, she told me she really wants me to be happy, and hopes that when she stands before God he will forgive her for this big sin she is about to commit, and that I and her family will forgive her for doing this, and she's sorry for being so selfish to leave like this, but she just couldn't live if she left me. And said she means this from the bottom of her heart, she wants me to find love again. So, for my love I will try to go on, I promise you that Jenni. If she survives this, I will treat her with the utmost respect and listen to her thoughts and fears. If I had only done that for my beautiful Jenni before. I love you sweet Jenni, I am so sorry. Jake