Before I say anything more in this thread, I honestly believe you should seek some sort of help; whether it be a friend, your pastor, or mental health professional. If you're considering suicide, you're definitely in need of help. And I'm not being facetious in saying this, I mean it sincerely. I also think you're wasting your time here, a place you don't like and don't agree with. You need to be addressing your issues with your husband (with him or someone close to you) instead of hanging around here and further depressing yourself. Sincerely, get help.

Ok, your comments:

*I'm sure its not *just* the head of hair they are looking at in your pics.

-I most certainly hope not. I work very hard on keeping my body fit, so if all anyone would see is my hair when they look at me, then that would sadden me. But as I said before, I'm more than just a physical presence. Those who've gotten to know me, know there's a mind & heart here too.

*Do you know who will be by their sides when they are sick, dying, in need of some tender loving care when things go wrong? That they are flesh and blood standing right in front of them to offer them comfort? The ones that they commited themselves too, thats who. These women they look at (present company excluded, i hope) don't care what the hell happens to them. But do these men think of that, hell no.

-You're right, the ones they've committed themselves too. HOWEVER, making a commitment to someone doesn't mean a partner has the right to control your every thought. For better or worse doesn't mean you have the right to know what they're thinking, when, who, why, etc. There is such a thing as free will. Ok, so you don't need to look at others to masturbate. Good for you, but everyone's different. Some folks do want and/or need the fantasy. Do you only read non fictional books? Do you never dream? Do you only watch documentaries?

Not me. I say give me the fantasy, open my eyes to things I haven't tried or thought of before. Life would be painfully boring to never wander from the reality of today.

*I do have a question for you though. How does it make you feel to know you are taking the eyes of these men off of these mens wives/girlfriends on to you, and how does it make you feel to know that it hurts some of these women so bad that they become depressed? I really have always wondered what women who pose like you do think about that, if they think about it at all, and since I have your attention, I'd really love to know. I am certainly not trying to start a fight or anything, I am just very curious about all of this.

-Well, men did look at me before I ever got on the internet. They look at me now when I go to the gym, the grocery store, to school, the post office, etc. Does that make me feel bad? Absolutely not. Women look at me too, and I don't feel bad about that either.

You keep making it sound like men are so bad because they look at other women, but they're not. It's the way things are. People will turn their attention to what their eyes find aesthetically pleasing, whether it be another human, a car, or a wristwatch.

If a man visits my site, it doesn't mean he's coming home with me.

You admitted to looking at other men, so where's the problem... because I'm naked on the internet? If I were ashamed of my body, I wouldn't take a stitch of clothing off. But I'm not ashamed. I'm sure the women who pose for Playboy aren't ashamed either.

My parents and siblings know what I do, and they're not ashamed. To be quite honest, even my Mom said if she thought someone wanted to see her nude self on a website, hell, she'd do it too. It's a matter of freedom and expression, being self supporting, independent, and confident (and a wee bit of being good at what you do, no matter what that is).

If a woman is 'hurt so bad that they become depressed' all because their partner looks at other women, then she needs to deal with her own insecurities because MEN ARE GONNA LOOK AT WOMEN. Oftentimes, it's not someone else making you depressed, it's YOU allowing yourself to be depressed. YOU are in control of your emotions, never relinquish that control to anyone. YOU are in control of the level to which you'll allow yourself to be happy or unhappy, period.

If I were with someone and caught them looking at another woman or porn online, would I be upset? Heavens no. As long as he'd be coming home to me and staying faithful in the physical sense, he's got the right to be an individual in his own right, and like what he likes. I don't have the right to enforce my beliefs on anyone or control their every thought... just as they have no right in controlling what I think about. God gave each of us a mind, and with that comes imagination and the free will to think independently. If a person gets turned on by long hair, stuffed animals, or pancake batter... to each his own. It's not up to either of us to judge anyone here or make them feel bad about liking what they like.

And again, talk to someone close to you that you trust and will listen. You need help with your situation much more than you need to be spending time on this forum.

Anya