Types of girlfriends

Ms. Nice Guy - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't have"

Also known as What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat

Advantages - Cheerful, agreeable, kindly

Disadvantages - May wise up someday

Old Yeller - "You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??"

Also known as She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell

Advantages - Pays attention to you

Disadvantages - Screeches, throws frying pans

Sickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite"

Also known as Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy

Advantages - Predictable

Disadvantages - Contagious

The Bosser - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look."

Also known as Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom

Advantages - Often right

Disadvantages - Often right, but so what?

Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair colour/length?"

Also known as The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c'mon Honey

Advantages - Easily soothed

Disadvantages - Even more easily perturbed

Wild Woman out of Control - "I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun."

Also known as Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed out

Advantages - More fun than a barrel of monkeys

Disadvantages - Unreliable; drives off cliffs

Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at"

Also known as No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly

Advantages - Your friends will feel sorry for you

Disadvantages - You will have no friends

Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship"

Also known as The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic

Advantages - Entertaining, unfathomable

Disadvantages - Will read her poetry aloud

Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now"

Also known as Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous

Advantages - beautiful, Funny, intelligent and uninhibited

Disadvantages - Will have nothing to do with pc