Good writing, very erotic. Awaiting ch 3!
Suggestions -
1. If you can draw or paint your fantasies to go with the write-up, that would be the ultimate cum magnet!
2. Even if you can not draw, use pictures from the web that closely resemble the girls in your fantasy. Reader's imagination is fun, but you could guide with a little spark! For Angel, may I suggest Selena Gomez? And Madelyn Marie for Jasmine?